If you're reading this, you either just registered and are waiting to hear back, or you're already in and curious about how this works. Either way, here's a plain explanation of the process and the thinking behind it.
Why Approval-Based Registration
Open registration is fine for large platforms that can absorb noise. This isn't that. Reality in Exile is a small site built around writing and conversation, and the forum exists to extend that, not dilute it. Approval- based registration is the simplest way to keep the space intentional without building elaborate moderation infrastructure around the mess that open signups tend to create.
There are no bots here. No spam accounts. No drive-by posts from people who found this place via a search engine, posted something useless, and never came back. That's the goal, anyway, and approval-based registration is how we get there without a lot of ongoing effort.
This is not a velvet rope situation. There is no prestige to being approved and no judgment in being declined. It's a filter for intent, not a ranking of worthiness.
The Process
When you register you'll get a brief question or two asking about yourself and what brought you here. Answer honestly and in your own words. There are no right answers, but there are answers that make it clear whether this place is likely to be a good fit.
I review registrations personally. Response time is typically within a day or two, sometimes faster. If things are busy on my end it might take a little longer. You'll receive a notification when your account is approved.
If your registration is declined you'll be told. No explanation is owed but one will usually be given if it isn't obvious. The most common reason is simply that the registration felt like a non-answer, a single word or something that gave no sense of who you are or why you're here.
What I'm Looking For
Genuinely, not much that's complicated.
Curiosity. The people who tend to fit here are the ones whose interests don't stay in their lane. Tech and philosophy. Music and self-hosting. History and tinkering. The kind of person who finds those combinations natural rather than strange. If your interests are broad and a little hard to categorize, that's a good sign.
A preference for depth over speed. This forum moves slowly and that's intentional. If you're looking for a fast-moving feed of hot takes and reactions, this isn't it. If you're the kind of person who reads something, sits with it, and comes back a day later with something worth saying, you'll fit right in.
Independence of mind. I'm not looking for people who agree with me or with each other about everything. I'm looking for people who have their own perspective and can articulate it without needing to flatten everyone else's. Disagreement is welcome. Intellectual honesty is expected.
Some connection to the ethos. That doesn't mean you have to be a self-hosting Linux person who runs a Gemini capsule and remembers BBSs fondly. It means you probably have some wariness about the direction the mainstream web has gone, some preference for text over spectacle, some appreciation for things that are built with care and kept small on purpose. If you found this place, you probably already know what I mean.
Basic decency. Covered in the code of conduct post, but worth restating here: this is a place for people, not personas. Show up as yourself.
What I'm Not Looking For
To be equally plain about it:
Accounts that exist to promote something, drive traffic somewhere, or build a personal brand
People who are here because they want an audience rather than a conversation
Anyone who confuses contrarianism for independent thinking
People who need a lot of moderation
That last one sounds harsh but it's practical. This site is run by one person with a finite amount of time. A community that requires constant policing to stay functional is not sustainable at this scale. The bar for approval is partly about keeping the moderation burden low by getting the composition right from the start.
A Note on Size
This forum is not trying to grow large. A small number of genuine participants is worth more than a large number of marginal ones. If this place has twenty members who actually engage over the course of a year, that's a success. If it has two hundred members and most of them never post, that's a ghost town with extra steps.
Growth will happen at whatever pace it happens. There's no push to scale, no metric being optimized, no reason to rush. If this place sounds like somewhere you'd actually want to be, register and say so. That's all it takes.
Questions about the process can go in this thread or in the Board Room.